Lasts

The sunset was breathtaking on my walk that night.

It had been a long week, with a lot of heavy projects and a 3-day business trip thrown in the mix.

Juggling life and marathon training around that had been hard.

I was feeling out of sorts, annoyed about the little things and just generally not myself.

The sunshine outside my office window had been taunting me all day.

It was a gorgeous fall day. Not too humid, sweatshirt weather, with a light breeze.

By about a half mile in, my head was more clear and I was grateful that I had decided to get out of the house.

The sun was starting to set, with brilliant oranges and reds shading the clouds.

I snapped a few pictures, catching the last beams of the sun as it went down.

And I realized that it wasn't just the busy week that had me out of sorts. It was all of the lasts that are happening in my life right now.

• This is the last year I will have a child in our school district.

• The last year I will have a child who lives permanently at home.

• The last first day of school.

• The last high school Homecoming.

• The last year of TP wars (and I got hit this year!)

• The last K-12 school picture I'll get to hang on my wall

So many lasts.

When my oldest went off to college, it was hard.

But somehow, this last year for my youngest is hitting me harder.

Not because I'm worried about him going off on his own.

Because it's going to be so different without him here.

The irony is that I barely see him now. He's busy with his friends and work and school.

And he's got things under control.

I'm so proud of him that sometimes it feels like my heart could just burst.

I'm excited for this next chapter, for him and for me.

I love going to visit my oldest in college and spending time with him now as a grown adult.

And I'll love watching my youngest flourish when he heads off to college and begins his journey into adulthood.

So I'm going to file away all of the amazing memories we've made in these K-12 years.

Smile and laugh and feel my heart break just a little bit.

The lasts are bittersweet, but I know they open the door to a whole lot of firsts as well.

And I'm ready for them.

Mostly.

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