At Least the Coffee Is Good

When we first went on lockdown, I was one of those moms who would tell my boys, "Please be careful, we can't end up in the ER right now!"

Although I guess that's not significant, I told them that way before COVID hit.

Fast-forward to the past 4 weeks.

We've now had an ER visit for Ryder's dislocated shoulder and are in the midst of an extended hospital stay for Jacob.

The ER visit wasn't too bad, we were in and out in the span of a few hours.

The worst part was watching him in pain while having to wear a mask and trying to show him how much I love him with only my eyes.

The hospital stay has been a whole different story.

It's been almost a week now and we've been learning every day, piecing together the puzzle that will lead us to the proper diagnosis and treatment of the autoimmune disease we believe is causing Jacob's liver to malfunction.

The experience this past six days has been surreal.

Only two people are allowed to be in the hospital with him, and they have to be either parents or legal guardians.

Masks are worn at all times throughout the hospital, with the exception of Jacob's room. We can be in the room with our masks off, but staff still wears them at all times.

I'm so grateful that Jacob can at least see our faces as we talk with him and try to help him understand what's happening.

The floor we are on has 14 rooms and they are all full but you wouldn't know it when you walk down the hallway.

Nurses man the stations, but there's not much noise coming from the rooms.

The halls are quiet, the cafeteria nearly empty. Tables taped off to maintain social distancing.

There's a beautiful "Healing Garden" outside of the main floor, but the benches are tucked to the side and cordoned off so you can go out there and walk through it, but you can't sit and visit and enjoy it.

It's eerily quiet at times.

Not that I expect a hospital to be loud, but this is a Children's hospital. Specializing in treating sick kids, with lots of activities and fun things for them to do in normal times.

There's a teen lounge where normally the sick teenagers could go and play and be distracted from their health issues. That's off limits for now.

The main lobby is colorful and bright with a fish tank and a fun gift shop. Even those look a little dreary to me.

There are so many things missing:

• Missing from the halls are families carrying balloon bouquets and stuffed animals.

• Missing are the sounds of laughter and the sight of warm hugs.

• Missing is the aura of caring family members to distract the children here.

• Missing is the ability to see the smiles of the nurses as they try to make my son laugh.

• Missing is the ability for me to read the doctors' faces on morning rounds so I can tell whether they are scared or hopeful.

• Missing is that human connection that is so desperately needed during times like this.

But there are also a few things that aren't missing:

• The compassion in the nurses' eyes as they talk to us.

• The consolation in their voices as they tell me we are in the best possible place to figure this out.

• The way they care about our comfort as they bring us an extra table and a game system and let us basically move in.

They give me all the data I need and answer all of my questions, no matter how many times I ask the same one in different ways, with patience and respect.

Oh...and there's all the free coffee I want, conveniently located down the hall.

I'm grateful that my son's condition looks like it will be manageable. We're not out of the woods yet, but the puzzle is coming together.

I think about these other poor children here and all of the family members who can't come see them. How scared they must be, how lonely they must feel.

I feel for the nurses and doctors who have to work with restrictions and masks on for so many hours every day. It must be so hard for them as they try to treat patients and console families.

I guess as a human race we have to adapt as best we can right now. And show our strength and resilience.

Truthfully though, this whole thing sucks.

On so many levels.

But hey...at least the coffee is good, right?